The 'Bros (Bad pic quality due to crap scanner NOT to bad 'bro quality. Hooray!)
That's right. Despite my crazy neurotic fears we did make it to a Day 5 transfer! Things got a little nuts with packing for our trip to the in-laws outside Bost.on which is why I didn't post sooner. They put back two "beautiful, textbook" (dr's words) blastocysts. There were two more, though the quality was not quite as good. 3 more had not yet made it to blastocyst stage but they were going to try to grow them in the lab in order to freeze. Just heard today that two of them (not sure from which bunch) were good enough to freeze. Praying that we won't have to use them this time around but would (slightly?) lessen the heartbreak of a BFN. We had a brief discussion with the doc on how many to transfer, toying with the idea of only putting back one. Kind of a crazy decision to make somewhat suddenly. I hadn't even thought about the single embryo transfer option until the night before. We decided just to go ahead and put back two in the end. I think both of us would definitely panic initially if there were two in there but certainly wouldn't send them back ;) and I just can't help feeling like putting one back would definitely lessen our chances of a positive outcome despite evidence to the contrary. My twin panic comes during moments of positivity when I'm SURE this thing is going to work (like on day of and day after transfer). On down days when I am SURE this cycle's a bust I would welcome a litter growing in there. I go back in on Dec 31 for my blood pregnancy test.
It's really been great that part of the 2ww has been over the Christmas holiday. We left for the in-laws on Saturday and have been immersed in distracting family visits and festivities for days. Strangely, the surprise presence of our sweet, precious 8 month old nephew did not bring on the bitter, ugly feelings. Not sure if it is his pure sweetness or the fact that I was feeling so positive about our own cycle that kept them at bay. At times, I actually managed to forget about my "'bros" hopefully hunkering down in there. During quiet, down times, however, I have been looking closely for any hint of a symptom and becoming increasingly more negative despite the "rational" part of my brain trying desperately to remind me that it is still early. I did have some mild cramping the first day or two post transfer but not much else that seemed too significant. Did have some very vivid dreams while we were away though could have just been that I slept like a log in nice quiet suburbia (no all-night cabs honking or drunkards shrieking outside my window like i'm used to). Boobs seemed to have been getting less sore and not more. Last night felt under the weather though in more of a "getting a cold" kind of way. I did feel really warm yesterday in a house that is ALWAYS unbearably cold. Could be due to feeling under the weather. Or are all these signs of something else? Ugh. Give me some definitive sign, would ya universe?
I woke up in such a crap mood this morning, feeling very negative about my lack of symptoms and the prospect of sitting on a 5 hour bus ride home. However, maybe the universe is throwing me a sign? I began to have mild cramps on the bus ride home, followed by more intense ones this evening, with little bits of queasiness (not full blown nausea) here and there. I never have PRE-menstrual cramps, always during A.F. so I am assuming this is not just me gearing up for my period. Within the past few hours I have been having little twinges in my abdomen and on the sides of my lower back. In addition, my temp is raised to 98.6 (my regular body temp is 97.5) which I think may be a good sign and hopefully not just more evidence that I just have a cold.
For the first time I have been toying with the idea of POAS in the next few days. 5dp5dt definitely seems too early, right? I did not think I would really be tempted. Maybe because I've never had a history with HPTs since this is our first real stab at the pregnancy thing. But now I'm reconsidering somewhat. If I continue to have these "symptoms" of the last 12 hours over the next day or two and am feeling positive I might do it, hoping for the chance to at least feign being a "fertile" and maybe stare at two pink lines. But part of me would also just like to wait for the real thing and have butterflies in my stomach as I wait for the phone call with "Congratulations Ms. P...." This is the , of course, my cinder.ella ending. Since I am in a moment of optimism I am not entertaining the alternate one.
Have lots of blog reading and catching up to do. Hope all had wonderful holidays!
