More to Report

I realize that at this point I am only talking to myself as I have no readers as of yet. Nonetheless, I feel the need to write again only a few hours after my first post for a bit of catharsis. Guess this blogging has already done me good if I can write and feel productive in addition to crying! The last post which I started several weeks ago needs a few additions.

Last week I went in for some of my prelim blood work, Day 2 FSH and E2. I was actually excited to feel like we were getting the ball moving on a first cycle. Now, I have been painfully aware of how endometriosis can screw with your fertility and I have done my fair share of worrying about that over the years. Within the last year, however, I have chosen to think that my issues aren't really ones to focus on. I mean, NO moving sperm is much more of a definite challenge than some potentially harmful endo lesions. Besides, I've been feeling healthy, manage my symptoms pretty well though nutrition and exercise, etc. Bottom line, I refused to entertain (or was perhaps too afraid to think about) the idea that my body would cause anymore problems. I felt good! Much to my surprise my Day 2 blood work did not come out all that great. My FSH was elevated to 11.6 and my E2 was 86. Now I realize that this is not to worst it could be. At some clinics, though luckily not mine, an FSH like this would make me ineligible for IVF. But I was not counting on these numbers being so high. I've got 10 days left in my 20's and assumed that my eggs would be quality. I was prepared for endo to cause a few glitches but not this. WTF! I mean, my mother had four children easily and did not go through menopause until a year or two ago. I've got good genes, I swear! I know I have to test again but I must say I am not super positive.

Fast forward to yesterday. Took the day off to cram in a bunch of appts, first starting with the wonderful gyn who did my last lap. Did a pap and other required blood work. He noted my left ovary looked small but said nothing else. In the afternoon, I headed to the IF clinic to do more blood work and have prelim SHG test (not to be confused with the apparently more painful HSG. Though this test wasn't a picnic either!). Ute, thank god, looked good! however, she noted that the left ovary appeared to have large cyst on it. Not sure if it's functional ovary or endometrioma. Again, WTF! I have had no pain on my left side and at both my previous laps my ovaries have been the one thing that looked good. My god, what it my body doing. Not sure whether this will endanger Jan's cycle. Don't know if this could have affected my Day 2 levels. Not sure what is going on! How is it that i always have 8000 questions that I should have asked as soon as i get out of the elevator. Argh.

Finally, this morning I get an email that our organization will no longer be offering my killer-kick-ass health insurance that would cover IVF-ICSI. Not sure what this change will mean but since they changed plans in order to save money I am thinking that there is little chance of them voluntarily adding IVF coverage. I already had a crying fit this morning in response as i felt like this was the only area of this whole bloody process where we were lucky and where we didn't have to worry. I am crossing my fingers that I am wrong in fearing the worst. Will know sometime next week probably.

Thanks to me for listening to me. Gosh, i hope i have some readers soon. It's lonely here talking to myself.