The Drama Continues...

Yes, it is now 5:30 am. I have been awake since roughly 2 am after waking from a very short and restless sleep during which I dreamt (i double checked. this is considered a grammatically correct past tense of the word. Though 'dreamed' is also correct which sounds awkward and is therefore why i expected it to be the most correct) about all of the insurance drama that I have been stressing about for the past few days. For some reason the Backstreet Boys also made it into the dream--I think they were at the clinic for some sort of "hormone therapy" (ie, steroids) but which created a more effeminate bunch than they are (were?) in real life. Anywho, as my Grandma says....

Basically, my mind has been racing non-stop, keeping me from sleep and keeping me on the verge of what i suspect is some sort of panic attack. I took half an anti-anxiety pill (left over from long plane rides to Viet.nam this summer) at about 3 am. which usually knocks me out but this time did nothing. Mr. P. and I mulled over all the possible scenarios resulting from this insurance drama last night. Surprisingly, he seems less concerned about the possibility of us loosing out on $15,000 worth of insurance coverage if we don't or aren't able to do a cycle in December. I can't let go of the idea that I had such amazing coverage that i may never have gotten the chance to use. He feels that saving only a little bit of that sum (if the transfer/ retrieval would fall into January) is not worth screwing up our X-mas plans. But if there was some way to be close to sure that the entire cycle would make it into December and we would get everything covered then it would be worth it. If that can't happen we will just have to hold our breath and hope that this new insurance gives us some sort of coverage. Although the new cycle would start right around Jan 1 and if old insurance knows they won't be responsible for covering an IVF cycle in January they may not cover meds that I have to preorder for the Jan cycle in December. What a mess. I am sure that this is not making any sense. It barely makes sense to me. I decided I will still go to tomorrow's (today's actually) injection class and see if I can squeeze in a meeting with my doc in order to figure out what protocol he is considering for us and what, realistically, the timeline would be. Then we can maybe figure out if we will rush to do a December cycle. Have got to know soon so can get the rest of my prelim paperwork in order and leave enough time to order meds. Have I mentioned how much I hate my employer right now???!!

Now I am feeling sleepy. Figures, since it is almost too late to sleep now. Gotta get up early to call in "sick". Stupid injection class is from 10-1 and since it takes me an hour to and from work there is essentially no point in me going in. God, the guily feelings that arise from doing that!