Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted. Actually, I shouldn't feign such surprise. I'm very much aware that it's been a long time since I've updated here. I've been quiet and lurking but not felt much like posting anything remotely positive in light of some of the incredibly painful loss in the blogging world recently. I know there has always been pain and loss in the IF world but it feels especially cruel and unforgiving right now.
Maybe it feels a bit easier to post today since I am not feeling so positive. In fact, I am barely keeping myself from being completely devoured by total paranoia and terror. We had our last scan with the IF clinic last Wednesday. Everything looked great. Both "gummy bears" (the doc's words not our ours) were measuring right on track at 8w3d and we saw and heard strong heartbeats for both. I was told I could stop my progesterone when the prescription ran out in a few days (seemed a bit early but what do I know) and we were officially released from the clinic to regular, albeit high risk, OB care.
Sounds perfect, right? Yet, my intense nausea (which never led to much actual puking but lots of dry-heaving over the toilet and once over a trashcan on 32nd.st) suddenly faded on Friday and has not returned a lick since. My boobs aren't sore or swollen anymore and even my stomach does not look as big (not just my imagination either since pants that were uncomfortable last week fit a bit better this week). I am trying to tell myself that this is normal, just fluctuations in hormone levels, etc but I just can't escape the fact that I don't feel pregnant at all anymore. And for the second day I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin due to this anxiety which seems to be carrying me further and further towards a total nervous breakdown. Guess I can't brag anymore about how sane I've been staying throughout these tenuous first couple of months. Mr. P. is doing his best to keep me centered and tells me everything is fine. But really, what the hell does he know?
We see our new OB on Tuesday which I know I should be grateful for but which currently seems about a century away.
Anyone had their symptoms fade early only to go on to have a successful outcome? I need some sort of reality check to keep me from going off the deep end. I'm already waist deep!
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4 comments:
I'm so sorry you're having a down day, but I think it's probably normal for those of us who have gone through so much for a pregnancy. Do you think you could call your RE and drop back in for a final U/S? I had to do that right after Christmas. We'd already been released, but I had some blood and they were more than happy to have me come in the next day. It might calm your nerves... :)
I'm sorry you're feeling low. I'm sure it's par for the course but it can't be easy.
I'd also say go for another u/s to ease your mind. Better that than be super stressed....x
I haven't been there, so I have no good assvice, but I am thinking of you. I have been waiting for you to post - I just wish it had been a totally happy one. I third getting another u/s. Good luck.
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